Author: Patricia Schnase

Giving thanks… reluctantly

~ Patricia Schnase ~ Leave a comment

I’ve got to confess, I haven’t really had an attitude of gratitude lately. Or rather, I’m not feeling very thankful about Thanksgiving, because that’s what the main problem is. Our plans have changed several times, and none of the usual things are happening this year, which leaves me feeling disappointed instead of excited.

So I try to spin it in a positive direction:

I’m thankful to have an abundance of family within driving distance.

I’m thankful for a new-to-us van that can get us there.

I’m thankful that Connor is healthy enough to be traveling at one month old.

I’m thankful for those who will be doing the cooking.

But, all of those things came from my brain, not my heart. I know them to be true, but I’m not feeling them. Which is okay. And leads me to what I’m feeling honestly:

I’m thankful I have the creativity to come up with all of those things.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Birthday Thoughts

~ Patricia Schnase ~ Leave a comment

Today is my husband’s birthday. I’ve been pondering all day what to say in the semi-obligatory Facebook birthday post, and I realized I had more to say than just a status update. So, CJ this is mostly for you, although the rest of you can read it too, it is on the Internet after all. 🙂

Since we’ve been together for 10 years and married for seven, I’ve had the privilege of watching you grow and change in some pretty fantastic ways. I’m regularly astounded by your work ethic and your heart for people, two traits that have been there for as long as I’ve known you and have been key to your success. Sharing my life with you is a decision I do not regret.

But looking at you now, it’s like that Brad Paisley song, “I thought I loved you then.” Watching you with our son is awesome. Your love for Connor is so clear. There is no one I’d rather lose sleep with. No one I can’t wait to see at the end of the day more. No other hug I want to feel when I’m worn out. Raising a child takes at least two, and I’m thrilled that you’re in this with me.

I love you most.

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Motherhood: What I don’t want to tell you

~ Patricia Schnase ~ 1 Comment

My husband and I welcomed our first child into the world on Tuesday. Connor James has already changed and enriched my life in the last seven days. I am so happy and blessed to have the privilege of being his mother.

Photo credit: BellaBaby Photography
Photo credit: BellaBaby Photography

We’ve had lots of encouragement and support from family and friends and we’re so grateful to have Connor’s grandparents living in the same town as we do. But it’s definitely a big adjustment. And aside from living with a newborn, I’m dealing with some things. Some thoughts.

I sort of feel like there are expectations when a person asks a new mother how she’s doing. We kind of want to hear how exhausted she is and offer a sympathetic smile. Like making small talk about the weather or the big game, we expect the conversation to go a certain direction, with both parties filling their expected roles.

So, here’s what I don’t want to tell you:

I don’t want to say that I was only in labor for about 6 hours. Especially if I know you labored longer.

I don’t want to tell you that I didn’t have an epidural, just a single dose of IV pain medicine. It feels like bragging. I promise I didn’t go into it trying to prove how strong I am.

I don’t want to say that breastfeeding has been going well, that my milk came in on day 3 and that by day 4, Connor had stopped losing and started gaining weight back.

I REALLY don’t want you to know that our second night home with him he slept almost 6 hours straight, because I never thought I’d have to set an alarm to wake up and feed a newborn.

I don’t want you to notice that I’m basically wearing pre-pregnancy clothes already. I’m not trying. I’m just wearing what fits.

At the same time as I’m thinking all of this, I am still dealing with the changes that come with having had a baby a week ago. I’m sore, and kind of hate using the bathroom. I’m sleepy often. I cry at literally nothing. I worry about being home with baby and two dogs while CJ is at work.

But, I’ve perceived these discomforts as comparatively minor, and so again, I don’t want to tell you. Somehow I fear that your response will be “That’s nothing” or “Just you wait.”

I know that I’m fortunate. So I downplay my experience, while at the same time wanting to share and connect. I’m still figuring out what sharing will look like for me, but maybe just writing this is a good first step. Writing it down is usually the best place for me to begin.

So now you know what I didn’t want you to know. What I didn’t know how to say.

 

But seriously, I already love him so much more than I imagined. Being a mom is totally awesome. Even at 2am.

Expiration Date

~ Patricia Schnase ~ 2 Comments

So yesterday I bought a gallon of milk and as I was standing in front of the cooler in the store, I had a moment. All of those jugs were stamped: Best by 10-17-16. All that milk “expires” on my due date.

Now I’m not really wound up about having this baby on October 17th. I know that due dates are approximations and that coming early or going long isn’t something to worry about at this point. My house is pretty much ready for baby and my ribs are ready to be done with the kicking.

What hit me was that pregnancy can seem to last forever, even if you’re fairly comfortable like I’ve been. And now it’s only going to last through the next few gallons of milk. (I say “few” because the one I bought yesterday is already half-gone.) Sometimes measuring time in a different way, like gallons of milk, can put a new perspective on it.

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A Pile of Parenting Books

~ Patricia Schnase ~ 1 Comment

If it wasn’t already obvious, I do some of my best learning through reading. I can’t recall ever taking one of those learning styles tests, but I know I’d rank higher on reading than simply seeing. (Since I do love personality tests, I should probably take one some day.)

So over the last 8 months or so, I’ve read a lot about pregnancy, birth, and infants. Most of these books I’ve received as gifts or gotten cheap at a thrift store based on recommendations. What I’m finding really interesting (and potentially frustrating) is the variety and contradiction of the contents.

The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp focuses on calming the crying in a variety of ways so that both baby and parents get enough rest. I appreciated the blend of medical science and common sense, wrapped together with a rather amusing tone. For example, I laughed over this quote for days:

I think America’s favorite pastime isn’t baseball…. It’s giving new moms unsolicited advice.

Karp’s 5 S’s (swaddling, side/stomach, shushing, swinging, and sucking) are easy to use and remember. Most of his book is built on the premise that babies could use a “fourth trimester” in the womb and each of the S’s helps make the outside world a little more womb-like for the little one.

On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam was also good, but my particular copy was a little dated (copyright 1995) so maybe I’ll check the library for an updated version, just to compare. These authors seem unworried about stomach sleeping infants, which recent studies have linked strongly to SIDS, so I ignored that part.

Ezzo and Bucknam strongly advocate getting your baby on a routine as quickly as possible so that babies are sleeping through the night by around 6-8 weeks. They recommend watching the clock, but not allowing the clock to be the parent, some feedings will happen slightly earlier or later than the average 3 hours apart. I appreciated a lot of the tips, especially about helping a more nocturnal baby transition to sleeping more at night, but I’m not sure how hardcore I will be about always making sure the routine is “feeding-waketime-naptime.”

La Leche League International’s The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is a lot less structured than Babywise, advocating the natural instincts of the mother and baby over the schedule. This book recommends feeding when the baby is hungry, as many times throughout the day and night as necessary. Again, I’m not sure how I feel about that.

But what I did love about that book was all the advice and techniques for making breastfeeding successful. For me, nursing is primarily about the budget. I love that breast milk is created to be the right food for baby and all the immune-boosting and relationship-building benefits for both mom and baby. But when it comes down to it, if we don’t have to buy formula, it will be a lot easier for me to stay home with baby and just work very part time.

At first I worried that reading all these different parenting philosophies would make me confused and paralyzed about what is BEST. But I think that it’s worked out to be the opposite. If I hadn’t read a variety of ideas, I would be sure that there is one right way to do this, and be more prone to get down on myself for perceived failures. I already know that that is going to be a challenge for me, it has been for my whole life. If I don’t do something exactly right, I’ve failed, and will likely never succeed (as shown in my reactions to learning to ride bike, read music, multiply, and drive). I’ve already been reminding myself that parenthood is full of failure and success, so we’ll see how I do at keeping a balanced perspective. Even without enough sleep.

One of my favorite reminders came from almost every book that I’ve read; remember that your baby is joining the family that you’ve already begun to create. Maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner will provide security and stability for your children. I think it would be really easy to focus so much on baby that you neglect your marriage, which is probably why all these books remind you not to.

Baby T-Rex is due in the next month or so, and then we’ll see. About so many things, we will wait and see.

Unexpected Inspiration and a Book Review (of sorts)

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Last semester I took a class on the History of the English Language and I wrote my final paper (through a couple of migraines) on the various dictionaries, looking at them historically and comparing methods and scope. It was an exceptionally nerdy project, and I found it fascinating to compare Samuel Johnson’s work to Noah Webster’s, and both of those to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED). I read many articles and books, some in more detail than others. Two by Simon Winchester on the OED intrigued me most and I’ve held on to them all summer. The library due dates are approaching, so I’ve buckled down to finish.

Today I finished The Meaning of Everything, which covers the whole scope of the OED project, focusing mainly on the various editors. The primary hero is James Murray, who developed the system for creating and arranging the definitions. But the man who unexpectedly inspired me today was Henry Bradley. Bradley initially wrote a review of one of the early sections of the dictionary and his deft balancing of praise and critique eventually earned him the respect of Murray and a position as editor. So, here’s the line that stuck out to me:

The story of what then befell Henry Bradley should serve as encouragement for today’s writers, one might think, and prompt them to consider the possibilities and opportunities that might yet come from the vagaries of the freelance life. p.156

You never know what might lead to the next big thing in your life. And as a writer myself, this was an excellent reminder to keep writing no matter what the assignment.

*Also, if you want to talk more about dictionaries and the men who wrote them, hit me up. 😉

Why I’d make a great dictator

~ Patricia Schnase ~ 1 Comment

A bit of a running joke with me is that I often want to be in charge, but I’m unwilling to seize power against the will of others. If people would just listen to me, we’d all be happier and better off.

This tendency reminded me the other day of Lord Vetinari of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series. Vetinari is the Patrician and supreme ruler of Ankh-Morpork. Now, I’ve only read a handful of this vast series so far, but I think I could be a suitable Vetinari for the real world.

According to the Discworld Wiki:

It was his discovery that people only really want stability and that tomorrow should pretty much resemble today, and this has been his greatest contribution to Ankh-Morpork. Impressively, he manages to keep this up even while he drags Ankh-Morpork, sometimes kicking and screaming, into the future. It is said that Vetinari can accomplish more with irony than most others can with steel. He can also accomplish more with one raised eyebrow than most people can with two of them and a lifetime of practice.

A good dictator should have the best interests of the people in mind, and accomplish those interests with a minimum of fuss. Generally, people want their lives to run smoothly and efficiently, and an appropriately functioning government is a step in that direction. Especially if that government is helmed by a person who has a finger in everything and the ability to inspire action in others.

*If you haven’t caught on, this post has been written with my tongue firmly in my cheek. But there are some points that I think we should consider as our nation faces the coming election.

While we’re not electing a dictator, we need to consider whether our chosen candidate has the interests of the people at heart. I’m not sure any of the current choices do. I’m not sure any human can truly ignore their own selfish heart.

But maybe we ought to consider electing someone who doesn’t want the presidency. Someone with leadership qualities, chosen by others, not by themselves. In all honesty, I don’t really want to be in charge, and that might be what makes me succeed as a leader in some cases. I think that someone who doesn’t want to, but respects this nation and will take the responsibility of leading it seriously, might just be what we need.

Vetinari 2016: A Tyrant for our Time

Introversion as I Feel It

~ Patricia Schnase ~ 3 Comments

*I’ve been working on this post for a few days now, and I’m still not sure that it says everything I want it to say. Maybe I’ll have to do a series on introversion in my experience.*

I identify as an introvert. In the last few years it’s become “cool” (or at least less “uncool”) to be introverted. I’m guessing Susan Cain had a little something to do with that. (Check out her TedTalk here, if you haven’t.)

I need that time alone to recharge. But lately I’ve been confronted with the fact that it is also not good for me to be alone too much. For example, I don’t like to eat alone and I tend to make poor eating choices if I have too many meals alone. There are also certain people whose presence is just as easy and comfortable as being alone.

All that is because there are more aspects to me (to all of us) than just the ranking on the introversion-extraversion spectrum. I was first introduced to the Myers-Briggs personality test in my senior year of college. Thank you, Dr. Maylath. Because those four letters clarified a lot for me.

If you’ve never looked at this, here’s the link to the official page. Essentially this “test” measures where you stand on four different aspects of personality and character. Knowing yourself can be helpful.

I’m an INFJ, pretty much the rarest type, although I know quite a few like me. There’s a lot that I could go into, but one of the most dominant traits is empathy. Which explains why I regularly almost faint when visiting people in the hospital and why I’m sobbing 10 seconds into a video of soldiers returning home. But it also explains why it’s not good for me to be alone too much.

I think that when I spend too much time alone, I start empathizing with myself and essentially magnifying my own emotions, like when you put a microphone in front of a speaker and get that awful feedback sound. I need to sometimes let myself be influenced by the feelings of others to lower the intensity of my own.

But I have to be careful who I absorb and how much. Empathizing with others can give them a lot of power over how I feel, and I’ve learned to be cautious with the people I let get that close.

So, what are your letters? Did you find it helpful or not? I suspect that different types might not set as much score by these letters as I do.

Star Wars: I’ve got a bad feeling about this

~ Patricia Schnase ~ 1 Comment

Okay, so I hinted at this in my Harry Potter post and got a few requests to explain. Here goes:

I didn’t like The Force Awakens. And it’s taken me a really long time to figure out why.

When I was a kid, I LOVED Star Wars. We had VHS copies of Empire and Jedi that were recorded off TV and we wore them out. We wore out several new copies as well.

When the prequels came out, I liked them too. Even Episode I, although it’s not as good as the others.

In junior high, I discovered that there were novels set in the Star Wars universe. That the story didn’t have to end with just the 6 movies. I read a lot of Star Wars in those days. (In case you hadn’t caught on yet, I’m a nerd.)

So initially I was pretty excited that there was going to be a new movie. I’d read quite a few books that would make excellent movies, in my opinion. But then Disney announced that none of the previously written books were part of the canon anymore. Okay, I can cope. They’re just taking the story in a new direction.

I’d been pretty pleased with J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek movies, so I was fine with him taking on this series too.

I enjoyed the trailer when it came out.

When we finally went to the movie (somehow it’s a lot harder to get the whole family to the theater at once these days), I was pretty excited. I’d successfully avoided Internet spoilers and I was ready.

The beginning was good. It felt like Star Wars. I was a little irked that we started again with an orphan on a desert planet. And the whole New Order thing seemed off. The Empire was defeated right? Who are these guys? Where did they come from?

But, honestly I could’ve coped and adjusted to all that. I was totally destroyed by Han’s death. Like, I cried for the whole rest of the movie and some more when I got home. [I’m also pretty sure I was pregnant and didn’t know yet. Just for clarity.]

I get that Harrison Ford didn’t want to keep being Han Solo. I could’ve been okay with the fact that he died with a few adjustments.

  1. How about he sacrifice himself for a character we actually know and love? I know Ben is his son and everything, but I found him as unpleasant as Jar Jar. He wasn’t worthy of that great a sacrifice. We don’t know enough of his story.
  2. Why does Leia hug Rey when they come back? Chewie is who she should be hugging. I know Leia and Han hadn’t been super close lately (what’s up with that btw?), but seriously.
  3. Also, Rey has not earned the privilege of sitting in the pilot’s seat of the Falcon. She can sit in the copilot’s seat and Chewie can fly. I know she’s this crazy-good pilot and all, but not just anyone sits in that seat.
  4. Finally, there was no funeral. No closure for the characters or the viewers. We got a funeral for Anakin/Vader (at a time where we didn’t know his backstory yet, or really like him all that much). And we got a funeral for Qui-Gon and he only existed for one movie. Han died, so let’s go find Luke.

So, that’s what’s going on with me and The Force Awakens. We’ve owned the Blu-ray for months now and it’s still in its plastic wrapping. Maybe one of these days I’ll watch it again. Maybe I’ll wait until I’m no longer pregnant and volatile. 😉

Book Review: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

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Like most of my generation, I grew up on Harry Potter. Midnight release parties at Barnes & Noble. Waiting in line for the movies clutching a wand. When a new book came out, there were often 3 or 4 bookmarks in our family copy. We spent many road trips listening to Jim Dale take us to Hogwarts and back.

So, you’d think that I’d have been one of the most excited this summer by the release of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. But I wasn’t. Not that I don’t still love HP. It took me awhile to figure out why I wasn’t excited. Why I was feeling apprehensive. And to be honest, I think I have to blame Star Wars.

Let me explain. I’m a pretty hard core nerd. I loved Star Wars, still do, to a degree. But I was pretty shattered and disappointed by The Force Awakens. (I really should do a whole other post on this subject.)  I was afraid that Harry Potter was going to disappoint me the same way Star Wars had, and the same way the Hobbit movies did.

Reluctantly, I bought a copy and went to a reading party my brother-in-law was hosting. Since this book is a play, it was actually super fun to read it this way. We didn’t have enough people for every part, but it was very fun to sometimes be reading two characters having a conversation with each other. If you get a chance to read it out loud with a group, I recommend it.

Reading this familiar world as a script was odd. Sometimes the stage directions were confusing or absurd. “Harry’s thoughts resonated around his head.” And sometimes it was hard to imagine how they would show this on stage. I missed the depth that comes with a novel.

Despite that the world felt true. You learn some interesting things about the Trolley Witch on the Hogwarts Express. And all the familiar characters felt right.

The story hinges on Harry’s son, Albus, who is best friends with Malfoy’s son, Scorpius. The two of them have a series of misadventures with a Time Turner. This started to bug me after awhile. Didn’t we learn our lesson about time travel? It got so convoluted at points I was waiting for a blue police box to show up and put things right.

All in all, I enjoyed this story, but it mostly made me miss the real thing. And maybe I sort of miss the person I was then. The girl who never would have worried that the fresh out of the box Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire would disappoint her.

And yet, I can’t wait to read these books to my kids. Hogwarts and Narnia and Middle Earth and a million others.